I exaggerate, of course. I have not lost 50 phones, but even the loss of one phone is enough to throw your entire life out of whack. What is the weather like? I haven’t a clue. I don’t have my phone app … I must WALK OUTSIDE and discover that it is beautiful, with a little chill in the air. Talk about a lot of work for results that just yesterday had been so easily ascertained from under the comfort of the warm covers of my bed. Sheesh.
The first phone I recall losing was a good old flip phone. I now understand why your back pocket is not always the ideal place to keep your phone. Without going into gross detail, let’s just say that it surreptitiously fell into the toilet and was flushed down the drain without my knowledge! Imagine that you fail to realize that your phone is sleeping with the fishies until a few dozen flushes of said toilet. By that time, I needed to call in a plumber who had to remove the entire toilet to recover the sodden phone. I then had to run to Home Depot to buy a brand-new toilet and pay to have it installed! You would think that I would have learned my lesson, but nooooooo – I have had more than a few close calls.
I recently bid adieu to my new iPhone 6 at a Nature Preserve and Wetlands. I do live fairly near the Florida Everglades. Anyhow. There was the cutest clutch (I might have made that word up as a description for a gang of alligators. Or did I make the word “gang” up? We’ll never know because I am too lazy to consult a dictionary) of baby ‘gators!! Oh, my gosh they were just the cutest little things and everyone was gathered around them and snapping their pictures from the safety of the wooden boardwalk. I leaned over with my phone and before I could even snap a picture – sploosh! went my phone down into the swamp. The crowd looked at me, obviously thinking, “What an idiot!!” I just laughed and remarked that I had really wanted a new iPhone 7, a haha. I was actually mortified, but there was no way that I was going to lie down on the boardwalk and try to recover the phone because I knew that Mama Gator was lurking nearby and I didn’t want to end up like Captain Hook.
Last night I attended a wedding. It was great fun and I danced like it was 1999. I had kept my new iPhone 7 (see above) on the table all night. I took pictures. I checked for texts and emails, and kept hoping that one of my submissions had been accepted. Right. Like editors have nothing better to do on a Saturday night than to peruse my sappy stories. Do they? Well, I get into the car to go home and we have driven a goodly distance (I’m trying to sound British, now that I realize that some of you are from one of my most favourite places on Earth) when I realize with a gasp! I had left my phone stranded on the table. We call from the car, and I do mean FROM the car, I still can’t get over that Bluetooth dialing thing, and leave desperate messages to friends who might retrieve my phone before they, too, leave the party. No one could hear their phones ringing, of course.
So now it is Sunday morning and I have no idea if I have won the lottery. (rolling my eyes) I guess I had best to google their website and then scroll down for the lotto, and then manually click for the results. Much ado about nothing, I presume. But I don’t know. I don’t have my phone!!!!!!!!!