Hello and good bye. I am about to conduct a very special, top secret, totally unscientific experiment. I am going off the Social Media grid for TWO ENTIRE WEEKS.
I don’t know if I can do this. If I was a champion at achieving my goals, I wouldn’t be wiggling around with an extra ten pounds of flub. [warning: poetic license at work: watch for bumpy exaggerations in the road!!]However, this goal is of the utmost importance, because my addiction is threatening to ruin my life. I can’t sleep: I must wake up every two hours to check email, texts, facebook, blog posts. I hide in the bathroom to check my phone for updates: “Honey, I’ll be right out!”
I find myself jonesing at the dinner table, in the movies, while DRIVING MY CAR [note to Law Enforcement: even I am not that stupid to Drive Under the Influence of texting]. It is an uncontrollable urge and I must conquer it to regain control over my life. I know I will miss many videos of cute little (fill in the blank ____) (puppy/babies/kitties) being absolutely adorable; my life will be the worse for it. I will not be able to wish you a happy birthday by messaging you. I will have to actually pick up the telephone, dial your number, and … speak to you!! Do I still have a voice? It’s all rusty from not being used.
And so I bid you a fond adieu … ttyl [type to you later!] xo