The Tattoo

Tats are cool. I don’t always understand why someone would pay so much to decorate their body, but hey, I spend a small fortune on make up. So, I can sort of empathize. I just worry about those tattoos’ longevity. I mean, oh, sure: they look great, sexy, beautiful now … but what about when the person is a doddering old fart? And their skin is no longer tight and supple, but baggy and saggy. That evil grinning skull on your arm? It will stretch into some kind of sad, melted mess and the grin will become a frowny face. You don’t really want that,  do you?

Nevertheless, I once entered a tattoo parlor and — get this!! — I wasn’t even DRUNK! Or chemically impaired. Nope, I was stone cold sober and ready to githerdone. I wanted a sweet little butterfly on my … somewhere, it’s not important. But I wasn’t 100% certain that I wanted a butterfly, so I opened up the book of examples and began to peruse the photos. Dragons! Ninjas! The entire Patriots’ 2008 starting lineup! George Washington Crossing the Delaware. The choices were overwhelming. I kept pointing and changing my mind, “No, how much would this cost?” This went on and on for over an hour, until a customer came in and pulled off their shirt to have an actual target tattooed on their back. I saw the needle machine, heard it whirring like a dentist’s drill from Hell, watched in horror as the needle came closer and closer to actual skin, and then I lost my lunch in the closest garbage can. That did it. The owner threw me out on my un-tattoed butt. So, now you know where I almost got a really super cool, ultra-impressive, totally beautiful tattoo. Almost.

12 thoughts on “The Tattoo

  1. Ha! This reminds me of the episode of Friends where they go to get tats. I have a few myself. Hopefully they’ll look good in 20 years! If not, at least they’re easy to conceal.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LOL I have a few small tattoos. After the first few minutes my skin became numb and it didn’t really hurt. Just felt like my skin was burning ha-ha. I don’t know that I could stand getting my whole arm covered.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I am afraid I am old enough that I still associate tattoos with Navy veterans from World War ll. They all chain smoked and had tattoos that got saggier and uglier as the years went on. None for me, thanks.

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  4. Ha – congratulations. From someone who hates reading – your posts are remarkably easy to read. And always funny.
    Tea … ears …
    “but what about when the person is a doddering old fart?”

    Liked by 1 person

      • Hey Susan – looks like I’m the only one you didn’t MASSIVELY offend cos I was too scared to get a tattoo too. Ooh!
        Ha ha – sorry – these responses made me larf cos I am usually the one putting my foot in it!
        I did really want one at one point but at the time drew nearer it gradually dawned on me that I’m the kind of person who would only get one if it really meant something important to me. Like taking part in the olympics, serving with the SAS, landing on the moon, fighting a bear and winning.
        And as I’d already done all those things, it felt too late really. So I got a windmill on a stick instead. You should see us running through the park! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

        Liked by 1 person

    • Oh god – in reality that would be me too. I was the kid who somehow found a way to immediately destroy the new thing I’d been looking forward to for ages.
      My poor mother wept as I came to her with the shredded track suit or holed trousers or broken toy. Still last week is gone now, and we must look to the future!

      Liked by 1 person

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